I had a call
from a friend today who told me he was hearing voices again. He stated he felt safe with himself and knew
what he needed to do in terms of getting help.
I shared my experience of having a full blown OCD meltdown in 2006. It was terrible the level of anxiety I
experienced and the crazy things I did to try to quell it (i.e. bleaching bars
of soap). I wouldn't wish the experience
on anyone. I sought help in the form of
medication and CBT therapy. It was a
very dark time for me. All the structure
had been removed from my life as I had just finished graduate school. I was newly married and my wife was secretly
using cocaine. I was reeling. I felt so unsafe. I did not trust my wife which threw a monkey
wrench into our intimacy. Basically I
was afraid to have sex with her because of fear of contaminating her. I now realize this was my unconscious pushing
her away because it was unsafe because she was not being trustworthy. At the time I was trying to figure it out I
blamed my issues around sex on being molested by my father. It was thick.
To boot I felt my wife was not patient or understanding at the time
creating further sense of it not being safe.
What is the point of sharing all this?
The point is while I would not wish these experiences on anyone they
have helped me become a more understanding and compassionate person. I know about mental illness, sexual abuse,
intimacy problems within a marriage, what it’s like to take psychotropic drugs,
how secrets and addiction effect a relationship, the insanity of co-dependency,
these experience more often than not keep me be empathetic, understanding, and
nonjudgmental and in this sense they are gifts I am truly grateful for. The pain of my experiences allows me to show
up for and be present with others. I am not afraid of other people’s pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment