The most painful experience is to feel that you don't exist. To walk around and feel as if you were a ghost and everyone looks right through you - as if you were caught in the spirit world, trying to get the attention of those right next to you, unable to communicate with others no matter how hard you try. To be ignored, marginalized, treated with apathy - these assalts can leave deeper wounds and then a blade or belt.
The silent treatment is a sick game that kids learn early on to inflict silent damage upon one another. It is likely learned from their own internalized experiences with adults around them. "Be seen and not heard!" is a directive that many parents have instructed to their children. The feeling to that child can be so disempowering, so devastating that mimicking this behavior of ignoring becomes the greatest weapon they can think to use on others around them when then when they feel so much pain.
I exist. I am important. I am worthy of love. These affirmations can melt like a candle under a flame in the face of intentional disregard. Yet paradoxically although I want you to see me, being seen can feel equally as painful. I want you to know me, but not everything about me. I want you to see me but not all of me. I want to exist but not so much that I have to feel. To exist means I must feel. If I feel, I cannot pick and choose what I feel. I must feel everything. I must suffer. I must feel at times the lightning bolts of energy that flow through me at the highest intensity.
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