A newborn has one way to get its needs meet. Cry. Regardless of the need (hungry, wet, tired, scared, uncomfortable), the alarm is the same. New parents often develop an acute sense of knowing what need is being communicated depending on the cry. To others hearing the sound, the cry is an indecipherable annoyance or concern. Soon, a baby then learns a new trick to get what it wants. Smile. It's caretakers become conditioned to change their response depending on crying, the absence of, or smiling. Trial and error with the bated anxious observation of this little human.
We can develop into adults who use the display of emotion to convey our needs. If I demonstrate passion or intensity, I must really mean it. I condition those around me to respond more urgently more earnestly more immediately more favorably if I punctuate my communication with great feeling. Throw in a swear? Now they know I mean business. The problem with this pattern is that I must continue to ratchet up the expression to be heard to be felt. Smaller gestures have been extinguished by neglect. If I am calm or quiet, I must not mean it. I must not care. This can be particularly problematic if I choose to change my communication style for a more measured, intentional and grounded one. Those around me react as dispassionate and impotent as compared to previous pleas. Please don't take my silence for agreement. My lack of interruption as apathy. My heart has grown hoarse from years of screaming and it is time to let the whispers of truth be heard.
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